Being content with where you are and who you are in life is a challenge in itself. When you are not just driven, but passionate about fulfilling God’s purpose it is trying to accept yourself. Lately I have struggled to feel satisfied with my days and the work I am putting in. I have been feeling as if I am not doing enough, that I am not enough. I feel overwhelmed and defeated. When you don’t see immediate results you begin to question the progress or the purpose of spending your time on something or someone. Am I even making a difference? What do you do when you don’t see the results? How do you keep going?
Watching Eric Thomas and Inky Johnson motivational videos have helped me realize, it is not about me. It is about who is watching you, who you are inspiring, who’s life are you changing and you least expect it. I was reminded of this at the gym the other day. I wanted to quit because I was tired. I get off the pull up bar and glance up to a woman watching me get my thick self up there, if I could do it, she could do it, I am sure she thought. I then turn around and see a young softball player watching me as well. There are always eyes on you! Your life is NOT about you. Do not be selfish.
I am coaching varsity softball, tutoring, sub-teaching, mentor,obtaining my masters, killin’ it in the gym as well as maintaining a life, a relationship and still trying to be present with my family. I finally opened up to my boyfriend about how I was feeling. He reminded me about the story of Noah and the arc. God told Noah to build an arc and he had to just be obedient, patient and do it. He couldn’t get down, quit and turn his back on his purpose regardless of what it looked like to everyone else. “Trust the process,” is always easier said than done. I have been struggling and becoming frustrated with myself because I put in work in the gym and yet feel exactly the same. I feel like I have poured out my heart and my knowledge to my softball players and yet question if I have made a difference on any of their lives. I read and am absorbing all this information in my leadership program but feel that I am slacking and am not as intelligent as the rest of my cohort. These negative emotions are convictions and pull me away from my faith. Having faith means believing even though you can’t see. I can’t see these results or the impact right this second but that doesn’t mean it is all for nothing. I have to learn how to be content with my current being. I am getting back on track by; counting my blessings, looking around at the positives, see the progression from the beginning, believe that God is leading me in the right direction and remembering how much God loves me.
It is so easy to get wrapped up and depressed due to slow, minimal or non-progression but we have to be more optimistic and thankful for the experiences that we are gaining in the meantime. We go around seeking and searching and begging from the world when all the time our heavenly father is seeking us out to give us everything he has. Seek him and let his love pour over you. His love is all you need to get through the vicissitudes of life.
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge — that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.